Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
