I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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