sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
