if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
