You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
