I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you had me at cake vodka
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
