How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
