she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize