Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
