"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
