I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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