In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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