you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
