I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize