He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
