We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
