i just had sex bonerless
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
