thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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