hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
