my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
