I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
