she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
