No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
