East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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