Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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