Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize