I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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