You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
