I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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