i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
