On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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