rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
