dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
