Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Oh god it's open bar.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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