I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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