I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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