I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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