Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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