Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
