Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My dick has a subreddit
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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