I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
