put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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