tell your sister to shave her snatch
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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