nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize