Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
