Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
