Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All I want is dick and wine.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
