It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sext me about skeletons
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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