she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize