I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
