I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
