I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
