I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize