The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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