Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You are the jesus of drinking
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
