So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
