Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
A+ Viking dick
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
