i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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