its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
