booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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