I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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