If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
