Umm I'm too high to move.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
