watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
