I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
