but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
