East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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