That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
