what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
