if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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