He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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