We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
