I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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