i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
