I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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