it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He felt like a one man threesome
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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