My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
