umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
