I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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