Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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