Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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