The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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