alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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