The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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