so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
