i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
