I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
