**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
