you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
