that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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