Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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