Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize