If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
