we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
