then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Come on in and take your pants off
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
