y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize