I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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