I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
