I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
